Friday, April 11, 2008

The Waiting Post...No News...So I Write About Stuff!

This is where I met my husband...Venice Beach, California. I had been going there every Sunday with just my little ol' self and my roller skates for 15 years. I guess you can say it was my "church" day since I didn't go to church back then. I'd park at Santa Monica Pier and skate 2 miles down to Venice.

Venice Beach, CA

I would always hope that "Ben" was there with his boom-box, which was run by a car battery for hours providing us with music until the sun went down. I would look for Gil Borges and his art easel set up so I could sit on his bench and sit for a while just to hear him talk...a thick as can be New York accent with a few words of profanity thrown in for good measure. Gil was about 70 and an incredible caricaturist. He's drawn me with my skates and friends for years there and although by now he's passed away, I still have all of our pictures and drawings that he did. I was single, no kids, no huge commitments except to see how much fun I could have all day long. It was good, clean fun and I cherish those days. I had met some of the neatest people of which I've been married to for 20 years!

But really, for many years I was "waiting" to meet the man closest to my written dreams as possible. I had a description of a guy in mind, but after many failed and hurtful relationships, I was wondering what I would end up "settlin" for. My happy ending had come...Mission "Dream Man" accomplished!

Sidewalk Cafe, Venice Beach, CA.

I would eat breakfast at The Sidewalk Cafe where the line wound around the building with people waiting to be seated, but I would always be let in without waiting as I was a regular each Sunday morning.

Ben showing me some moves...

So when I think of all of the different waiting periods you go through in adoption, this particular one is the hardest for me, personally. For me it's the NOT knowing "who" our daughters are and "when" they will be revealed to us that is the hardest wait. For some, the hardest is once they know, they want to GO!! But for me this is the hardest.

While I am in this waiting period, I'm reminded of years ago waiting for my husband to come home from traveling the country. He had been out literally "touring the world" with musicians such as Phil Collins, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston...doing American Music Awards and Grammies with Diana Ross, etc...

Michael Jackson, Greg Phillinganes (the Music Director)

We had no children and I ached for companionship while he was out. Taking on a tour like that is a commitment of a year and a half, with him having 2 week breaks at home now and again and me flying out to be with him where ever he was on the road. The traveling I did during these 5 years was incredible because I knew that the likelihood of me going to those places in the near or far future was slim. So I appreciated all of that travel and everything it had to offer. We lived in Hollywood, we were newly married and excited to start our new life. I worked at BMG Music Publishing copyrighting our clients music and licensing it out to people wanting to use it.

So while he was out I started hanging out with this really fantastic girl. She was tall, short blondish white hair and just the coolest girl, I thought. As we continued to hang out, I suddenly realized while on the back of her motorcycle that I didn't know what she did for a living. So I asked. She hesitated to tell me until I asked again. Well, my good friend turned out to be what she referred to as a "H i g h Class C a l l Girl". Her alias was "Brigitte". I didn't believe she was a hooker until she showed me some things in her apartment. I was so bummed cause she was a "hoot" to be around, but at that moment I realized the fun was over. I was sad to lose her as a "hang out friend" while David was busy flying around the country, but I was more sad for her and her lifestyle. I didn't see her for a while, then bumped into her at Ralphs Market....she looked drugged out and sad. So sad for her.

Well, still alone at home waiting for my husband to come off the road and still no friends nearby to hang out with, my mind started it's race to fill that void with something fabulous. So I decided that I wanted a horse. Of course...a horse in Hollywood...who doesn't do that! As I explained this to David on the phone he very calmly ... freaked out! We didn't even have a place for it, we had a 1 bedroom studio apt. in Hollywood where we lived for 5 years. He thought I was ridiculous. He's such the practical one. I hate that! I felt offended. But the truth was I was emotional and lonely by myself and he out on the road traveling the world. He's out seeing the coolest cities in the best countries, never having to make his bed, money put in his hand every week to go to a movie, or walk thru a mall, or visit Big Ben in London...but all I wanted was a horse! How dare he think that was ridiculous, I thought, but it was ridiculous and I just needed to talk to him more often. So we talked more often, and we compromised. And when he came home, he was surprised, but pleased that what I had in fact acquired was a kitten and not a horse.

Max and I in our Hollywood Apt.
David was out on the road somewhere.

Max's sleeping spot

A gorgeous pure white, blue eyed fluffy Persian kitten. When he did tours like that, he would commit to a year and a half and he would come home in between and I would go out and visit him where ever he was. But Max, ohhh, he was my new fluffy companion. He made me happy and it was someone to cuddle and love while my husband was away.

So here I am today, husband home, but waiting once again for something more amazing than I could ever have imagined. Two daughters who are to be revealed to us at any moment. Literally, any minute. Whenever the phone rings, my heart skips a beat and I take a deep breath. This could go on for another month, but I will still panic every time the phone rings. This waiting is very hard, very strange. My husband is home and got himself off of the road and that lifestyle way before we had children. It sounds like it may have been glamorous, sometimes it was, but the truth is, although the experience was a once in a lifetime for someone with no children, some of the stuff that goes on in the process is nothing to yearn for. It was everything that my husband is not and that rubbed him the wrong way. Since then he has built his own company over the last 13 years and has provided for our family amazingly. I am in awe of his abilities in all areas of our life. It has allowed our family to blossom in ways I could never have imagined and to now be waiting for this expansion of doubling our children in the course of 9 months is just too much to take.

This past 18 months has been a bit tough with our recent move to Denver from So. Calif. and some unexpected outgoing expenditures as well as losing a big client. And although I've been waiting for this year to come for a long time, we will not be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary quite like I wanted to. I wanted to GO BIG and had grandeur plans for this celebration. But we'll tone it down significantly in exchange for something we just cannot put a price on....2 daughters! I'll take that any day of my life!


LISA said...

Lisa, What a wonderful post! I love the Venice beach story,and pics!WOW, doesn't it just seem like yesterday?Rollerblades weren't invented then, were they!?
Whatever happened to Max?

Lisa W. said...

Well...Max went to another family after he got a little older. He started "spraying" around the apt. and tearing things up. Don't tell my current cat that she could be traded...she'd freak out ;) Yes, no rollerblades back then...does seem like yesterday. I can't believe the time has flown.

darci said...

that was so fun to read. i can only imagine how hard this waiting is. we are in the homestudy stage and already i am counting the days, over and over. :) hope you get that call SOON! darci

jrod said...

What a great post! Those old pictures are great. Hang in there - you'll be packing before you know it.

SDR said...

Sorry Lisa, that last one was me, Shawn. I didn't realize I was logged in on Justin's account.

Lisa W. said...

Isn't it great to be moving forward in this process? I'm excited for you. It will seem long, but it's a really good amount of time to get all the information you need, get your family ready, your heart ready, and before you know it, you family will be all together back in Canada laughing and playing as if there was no wait.

Lisa W. said...

Yeah, the pictures ARE old. I really appreciate your encouragement. It all helps. Have you packed yet? I wonder if my little "T" is at Hope for the Abandoned? You know, a family left yesterday...and they may see our babies and take pictures. Wouldn't that be great?

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

Never been to CA - well only to LAX and Shoshone of the CA border (was in LV at the time), just stumbled across your site... will visit again... take care

Christina said...

Neat post! I didn't know you were in the music business. I'm a (lowly) musician and i love cats! But I'm sure you would know the latter if you've visited my blog at least once :-)
Does your husband still do music stuff now in Denver?

Lisa W. said...

yes, I've seen your blog. And my son (13) and I liked looking at your cat pictures. I'm glad you're still lurking at our story...

In which capacity are you into music? My husband produces training DVDs on musical equipment. Check out his site here.

Here in Denver we are not in the music business anymore, but still a musical family and my kids play guitar and drums and my husband writes music and is very talented with anything musical. We hope our new girls will love music too. We try to visit our local jazz clubs here and I keep in touch with many of our friends who are still in th business in L.A.

I use to sing with my friend Charmaine...our vocal group was called Crescendo. Check out her site and listen to her voice...I think you'll love her. Tell me what you think...she is fabulous.

Tymm said...

hey there - feel free to post or link to that letter from your blog - I am glad it can help people out - it was eye opening for me to read...

Thankfulmom said...

That is one of the most interesting posts I've read in awhile! Thanks for sharing your story. I really know how hard the waiting in and I have to say that I was surprised by hard it was for me. It was consuming. I hope it won't be long before you know who your little girls are.
Thanks for your nice comments about AHOPE.


Lisa W. said...

I'm impressed you read the whole post...quite long, wasn't it. Yes, you would know about "waiting" wouldn't you!! Your encouragement is very much appreciated by a woman like you. I need as much as I can get.

Amber said...

What fun stories. Thanks for sharing.